I am a Christchurch based friend of one of your Nelson regulars.

I read the above with interest.

I am 57 – been on my own for 6+ years though had a couple of dating periods within the intervening time.

I would not think the rejection thing would be such an issue for a 50+: year old, but the feeling of being “controlled / molded” certainly is ! We don’t want to be !

I dance socially several times a week and meet plenty of women – and occasionally meet someone who I feel I may want to get to know better …..

What has become apparent for me after a period “on my own” is that it is not my preferred modus operendi but ….. and it’s a big BUT (!) – I do not want someone telling me what I should or shouldn’t do – what I should be doing with my money – explaining how much money / assets I have etc. etc. I am ready to accept someone for who they are and if I am attracted to them why would I want to change or control them or worry about what they do or do not own ?

New Zealand women I have met over 50 seem to see themselves as having to Mother and instruct Men in life skills ….. well I cook (well) clean (well) and run my life with good balance in terms of financial security in balance with not going without something I really want …. I don’t need or want someone seeing themselves as a Life Coach who must control or mould a potential partner.

New Zealand women seem to find these “Control Functions” far more necessary than their European or American counterparts in my experience ….. needless to say I am now only consciously looking at the partner possibilities amongst “foreign” ladies.

So let’s not knock the males who seem to present a lack of dating interest over 50 without finding out ALL the facts as to why they are that way !!!

With sincere regards.

Derrick.