Keys to Keeping a Connection over the Miles

Long distance relationships aren’t easy, even when two people are able to stay in touch daily through email, phone, and even video. But when long separations and days without contact are inevitable, both members of the pair face unique challenges to keep the relationship strong.

Good communication is the key to relationship success. Even if you’re able to be with the one you love every day, communication can suffer. The tools for keeping positive communication alive, and to maintain the love you share, are needed, most especially, in long distance relationships.

Talk Carefully

When you aren’t able to speak to someone regularly on the phone, you may think that you don’t need to consider how your conversation will pan out. You may miss them so badly that you just know you’ll find something to talk about no matter what. But the question you should ask yourself is this: “What exactlyshould we talk about when we finally do get some phone time?” Determining the course of your conversation before it begins is important because high expectations and unrealistic expectations have a way of coming to the surface when phone calls are rare. Disappointment is easily created if one-half of a couple is having a rough day or is in a bad mood.

If it’s been a few days since you’ve spoken with each other, don’t try to shove all your daily encounters into one phone call. If you need to, keep a list of the good things that are going on in your life so that you can share them with your partner over the course of the conversation (but don’t just rattle them off like a grocery list). Consider writing down your worries as well, but judge these items carefully. Take into account how much time you really have to talk. Then decide if you really need to get into a major discussion over something small.

If an issue is pressing, address it on the phone as you would in person – ask your partner if they are willing to take 10 minutes of your phone time to chat about a topic that’s important to you. This prepares them for a serious discussion and secures their attention. Once you’ve broached the topic, agree to leave it for the present, if possible, and revisit it on the next phone call.

Always make an effort to start and end your phone calls on a good note, no matter what. You want to leave each other with reaffirmations of your love. There’s something to be said for anticipation and the feeling of looking forward to your next talk together – you can get butterflies just like you did at the start of your relationship. You want to close the distance between you, not make the space even larger.

Post Your Feelings

Help your partner feel like you’re right beside them by sending photos and letters. Real letters (yes, we’re talking pen, paper, envelope, stamps) have almost gone by the wayside in these days of quick computercommunication. But has there ever been a time that you received a card, letter, or note from someone you love that you didn’t appreciate the opportunity to touch it, imagine them writing it, appreciate their penmanship (or giggle over their chicken scratch)?

Gestures such as this go a long way in keeping the magic alive and recreating the emotions experienced during the early stages of courtship and flirtation. Making a tangible effort lets someone know that you were thinking of them at a time when you weren’t with each other. Knowing you’re loved and that you’re on someone’s mind is a priceless feeling.

Photo Opportunities

Think about the things you share with your significant other during the day when you’re together. Maybe you talk about a new TV show, laugh at a joke you heard, or discuss a job advertisement. Why not compile certain points of your day into a photomontage so that the one you love can see what’s keeping you busy, and what moments make you think of them?

Take pictures of the things that are happening in your life and send them off via email or snail mail. Show how you’ve rearranged the living room or model your new haircut. You can even create a week’s worth of pictures and separate them into envelopes that are only allowed to be open on certain days. Take a photo of your rumpled self in the a.m., of you dressed and going to work, what you eat for dinner, your muscles after you come back from the gym, even take a picture of the book you’re reading or the shows you’re watching. You can maintain an intimate connection with the one you love by inviting them to visually share your day-to-day experiences.

Logistics

A long distance relationship may be caused by a job assignment, military station, or any variety of reasons. These outside obligations can often impede normal communication. Set dates with each other and always make an effort to be available at the appointed times. Take your relationship seriously. It may seem that one missed phone call isn’t going to cause a problem, but feelings of neglect in long distance relationships can surface quickly and severely.

To make long distance love work, your relationship needs to be a priority. If necessary, pen your phone calls or online chat times into your daily planner just to make sure you give your partner adequate attention. If you are in different time zones, let each other know the best and worst times to call. If you phone the one you love when they’re in the middle of something, or sleeping, or unavailable, they’ll be upset that they couldn’t talk with you or missed your call. Make it a point to stick to your schedules so that you can catch each other at good times when you’re available to offer up your undivided attention.

Prepare for your “dates” with your partner by minimizing the distractions of work, children, or household needs. Avoid multitasking. It can be tempting to take care of several tasks at one time when on the computer emailing, but if you’re chatting with your significant other, skip the eBay surfing or bill paying. Be present with them in mind even if you can’t be present with them in body. Would you be shuffling through magazines or reading the newspaper if your partner were sitting right beside you on the sofa and wanted to talk? Undivided attention is necessary.

Emotional Acceptance

It can be tough to ignore feelings of neglect or loneliness when you’re in a long distance relationship. Sometimes those emotions can get the better of you, but try not to let your resentment plague your talks. You’re both experiencing similar feelings of longing and absence – so don’t take your frustrations about the situation out on one other.

While it may be tempting to fill up every second of your time so that you can block out the fact that the main person in your life isn’t around, this isn’t always the wisest course to travel. Make an effort to keep them in your world just as if they were physically present. Creating a new existence in which they don’t play a part, other than through phone calls and emailing, will only lengthen the distance between you. Yes, you will need to find more ways to occupy your time with some new activities or friends, but make sure there are always moments built in for the one you love.

Devote energy to your relationship. Agree with your partner that you will both give as much of your best selves as often as possible. If your partner is slacking on his or her end of the communication, give them some time to resolve their busy schedule or distractions. But if the distance seems to be growing between you, if possible, schedule a visit together so that you can reconnect and make sure that this space – whether temporary or permanent – can be bridged, and that both of you are still in this for the long haul.

Acceptance is a big part of long distance relationships. You have to accept that your time and communicationwith each other are limited, but you can do everything possible to close up the distance between you instead of focusing on just how far apart you really are. Remember … you don’t have to say “Goodbye” to your relationship when long distance living becomes a reality, you can simply say, “See you soon,” to the one you love.

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Categories: Dating Tips
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