Don’t Ditch Dating!

Thanks for checking on the latest Duck Soup updates and events - contact Adrienne for more information 544-2088 or 021 480 212.

I attended a restaurant opening in Nelson this week and met up with a Duck Soup regular who excitedly told me he may have

found someone – early days though. I was of course equally excited for him and asked lots of questions – where did you

meet? (online) What about her attacted you the most? (similar quirky sense of humour) etc. But then I started to hear

some warning bells and saw some red flags with other things I heard so my questioning took a different turn. I asked him

what he disliked most about the dating process…. and boy did things clear up for me!

This is a guy who is SICK of dating – dreads the first date and is totally over the whole concept. It turns out he has

had six dating partners since his marriage ended and now he’s ready to STOP dating and start a relationship because, in

his words, “six women should be enough to give me a good idea, right?”

Unfortunately I believe he is falling into a common trap and there are numerous reasons he may feel this way.

he may not believe he will ever find the ‘right’ woman

he may feel impatient with the dating process

he doesn’t understand the importance of dating to find love

he is a little shy and it’s hard to get out of your comfort zone

he doesn’t enjoy meeting new people

he doesn’t really trust new people

he doesn’t like or know how to flirt

he doesn’t think there are any decent single women around

All of these points are focusing on the negative! It’s the top reason people jump too quickly into relationships and

ditch the dating too soon. We forget that dating is a really important process for finding love that cannot be avoided.

One of the key things to attempt to do is find a way to ENJOY this process even if you don’t like every step. By shifting

your limiting belief about dating, you’ll attract better prospects – remember, like attracts like.

Hopefully you can start learning to enjoy meeting new people. The more the better! It can be really fun – you never know

who you might meet or what cool things you may learn. One of my now closest friends I met randomly whilst our kids were

playing at a park….

If you hold this same attitude that meeting new people is tedious, try turning this around. Make a challenge or game out

of it to see how many people you can meet in a month. Find interesting (& positive) details you’ve learned from each man

or woman you meet and don’t take the whole process so seriously! Dating is your interview process for the position of

your potential life partner. And it’s also important for YOU to interview for the position of THEIR life partner…

slowly, and gradually, you’ll build up an authentic picture of each person you date over time. Date as many people as you

can (without sleeping with any of them!) and someone will gradually become more compatible in your mind.

It may take some practice, but you can make this positive shift. When you are cheerful about meeting new people, you’ll

appear more confident and happy which will in turn make you more attractive. It’s a cycle of positive energy that builds

on itself…. and when you do meet the person who just fits so well into your life, you’ll be so glad you stuck it out and

KEPT DATING!

If you’re thinking – man, I can’t even GET a date, let alone have more than one – then consider online dating on

findsomeone.co.nz. If you need assistance to write your profile and choose a great photo, let me know. Alternatively, use

Duck Soup networking to ask someone if they would like to go on a date to learn more about them – but remember, not

everyone comes to Duck Soup to find love – many people are networking to expand their social lives without looking for a

partner. So be prepared for a “No, thanks” and keep trying! Every NO is a step towards a Y

I attended a restaurant opening in Nelson this week and met up with a Duck Soup regular who excitedly told me he may have found someone – early days though. I was of course equally excited for him and asked lots of questions like:

Where did you meet? (online)
What about her attracted you the most? (similar quirky sense of humour) etc.

But then I started to hear some warning bells and saw some red flags with other things I heard so my questioning took a different turn. I asked him what he disliked most about the dating process…. and boy did things clear up for me!

This is a guy who is SICK of dating – dreads the first date and is totally over the whole concept. It turns out he has had six dating partners since his marriage ended and now he’s ready to STOP dating and start a relationship because, in his words, “six women should be enough to give me a good idea, right?”

Unfortunately I believe he is falling into a common trap and there are numerous reasons he may feel this way.

he may not believe he will ever find the ‘right’ woman
he may feel impatient with the dating process
he doesn’t understand the importance of dating to find love
he is a little shy and it’s hard to get out of your comfort zone
he doesn’t enjoy meeting new people
he doesn’t really trust new people
he doesn’t like or know how to flirt
he doesn’t think there are any decent single women around

All of these points are focusing on the negative! It’s the top reason people jump quickly into relationships and ditch the dating too soon. We forget that dating is a really important process for finding love that cannot be avoided.

One of the key things to attempt to do is find a way to ENJOY this process even if you don’t like every step. By shifting your limiting belief about dating, you’ll attract better prospects – remember, like attracts like.

Hopefully you can start learning to enjoy meeting new people. The more the better! It can be really fun – you never know who you might meet or what cool things you may learn. One of my now closest friends I met randomly whilst our kids were playing at a park….

If you hold this same attitude that meeting new people is tedious, try turning this around. Make a challenge or game out of it to see how many people you can meet in a month. Find interesting (& positive) details you’ve learned from each man or woman you meet and don’t take the whole process so seriously!

Dating is your long interview process for the position of your potential life partner. And it’s also important for YOU to interview for the position of THEIR life partner… slowly, and gradually, you’ll build up an authentic picture of each person you date over time. Date as many people as you can (without sleeping with any of them!) and someone will gradually become more compatible in your mind. Then you may consider exclusively dating one person – you’ll have to stop coming to Duck Soup at this point too. After carefully evaluating your compatibility – the next step is a committed relationship. You’ll make lots of friends during this process too…. and introduce all your new friends to each other so you’re networking!

It may take some practice, but you can make this positive shift. When you are cheerful about meeting new people, you’ll appear more confident and happy which will in turn make you more attractive. It’s a cycle of positive energy that builds on itself…. and when you do get to meet that person who just fits so well into your life, you’ll be so glad you stuck it out and KEPT DATING!

If you’re thinking – man, I can’t even GET a date, let alone have more than one – then consider online dating on findsomeone.co.nz. If you need assistance to write your profile and choose a great photo, let me know.

Alternatively, use Duck Soup networking to ask someone if they would like to go on a date to learn more about them – but remember, not everyone comes to Duck Soup to find love – many people are networking to expand their social lives without necessarily looking for a partner. So be prepared for a “No, thanks” and keep trying! Every NO is a step towards a YES.

What advice do you have for this guy to keep up the dating process….. use the comment link below.

Categories: Dating Tips
No Comments »