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I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath’. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds — Joan Rivers

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to? — Bette Midler

There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that. — Lewis Grizzard

Continental people have sex lives; the English have hot-water bottles. — George Mikes

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic. — Rita Rudner

I practice safe sex – I use an airbag. — Garry Shandling

As a lover, I’m about as impressive as a magician on the radio. — Scott Roeben

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range. — Scott Roeben

I’m a terrible lover. I’ve actually given a woman an anti-climax. — Scott Roeben

Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got and 50% what people think you’ve got. — Sophia Loren

Sex is God’s joke on human beings. — Bette Davis

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible. — Leslie Nielsen

Life – a sexually transmitted terminal condition. — Walter Prager

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. — Woody Allen

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. — Steve Martin

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. — John Barrymore

I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can buy. — Steve Martin

There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem? — Phyllis Diller

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. — Billy Crystal

If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all. — Rodney Dangerfield

My girlfriend always laughs during sex — no matter what she’s reading. — Steve Jobs

Personally I know nothing about sex because I’ve always been married. — Zsa Zsa Gabor

Sex is like bridge: If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand. — Charles Pierce

It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. — George Burns

Categories: Dating Tips
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