Don’t be too scared of turning up and getting a feel for the group. You’ll be pleasently surprised that everyone is friendly and respectful and more than likely you’ll already know someone in the room.

Over 73 singles living in Nelson and surrounding areas attended last month and of that number, 26 were there for the first time and ‘checking things out’.

You are never asked for an entry fee, donation or your contact details – so it’s a non-threatening way to meet people in the same stage of life as you.  You will need to pluck up enough courage to talk about yourself with strangers and that might take some preparation…. come up with a simple list in your mind of the topics you LOVE talking about and steer your new ‘friend’ into one by asking a relevant question.

Don’t forget though – not everyone at Duck Soup is looking for a relationship.  Most are there to connect with other singles in a social setting and hopefully increase their own circle of friends.  You are welcome to hand out your phone number or email address to someone you’d like to meet up with again – just don’t be offended if they don’t call and keep trying!

I’ll see you at 623 In The City in Hardy Street from 7.30pm on Sunday 7 March – and bring along your free drink voucher if you attended in February.

If you’re feeling a little lonely, don’t compare yourself to other people. If you’re the type who imagines others secretly pointing at you and laughing at your single status, you’re spending way too much time measuring yourself against supposedly happy, snuggling couples. Remember: just because a person is partnered up on V-Day doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she is blissed out (or even remotely contented).

I know several people from the last Duck Soup Networking Night arranged to go out for a singles dinner together tonight – I hope you all had an entertaining evening. You’ll have to tell us all about it next time we meet up at 623 In The City on the first Sunday of March from 7.30pm.

Adrienne
Mixologist

Our first networking night at new venue 623 In The City was amazing! From the delicious nibbles they served to the spacious mingling area – even the smokers outside were delighted with the extra coverage. We had some winners in our famous couples matching game and 4 people went home with a $10 Thai Tuesday meal voucher each. Thanks to Kayne for hosting us so beautifully in January – see you on Sunday 7 February.

Ebbie Scrooge, a good looking woman in mid life, was wasting her dating years grumbling about men. On the night before Christmas, she was commiserating with her single girlfriends, complaining bitterly about the horrible men they meet. How all the good men are taken. How they’ll never find love and refuse to settle. The girlfriends clinked their glasses one last time, toasting how they didn’t need men and parted ways. Ebbie stumbled home for a good night’s rest. But she didn’t get it.

Instead, she was visited by three Christmas Ghosts who illustrated the error of her dating ways.

The Ghost of Romance Past
First the Ghost of Romance Past dropped in to have Ebbie review her history. Ebbie is all too familiar with her unhappy past and ugly divorce. However, the Ghost is very compassionate and worked with Ebbie to remember what was good, what did make her happy, and what lessons she learned that she can bring forward to a new love life.

The romance apparition encouraged Ebbie to not get stuck in the past. In fact, Ebbie’s past does not automatically create her romantic future. She has more free will than she realized and might want to think twice about frittering it away rehashing the past.

The Ghost of Romance Present
Back to bed for Ebbie, she thought she’d finally get some rest, but not to be. The Ghost of Romance Present scooped her up and they journeyed to view her current love situation. Much to her chagrin, very little is happening on the love front. The Ghost of Romance Present lovingly explains to Ebbie that she does have loving energy in her life. She has children who love her, friends and family who adore her, neighbors who enjoy her, and a dog who offers unconditional love. Ebbie never considered these sources of love in her life and took them for granted.

The patient spirit of Romance Present showed Ebbie how loving energy in her present life could blossom into more if she acknowledged it and felt grateful. The error of her ways, bitching and moaning, blaming men, criticizing them endlessly, actually didn’t make her feel better – it made things worse.

Ebbie’s head was spinning from seeing how much time she spent dissing men. From this wiser vantage point, it seemed like a sad set of self-sabotaging behaviors that was truly getting in her way of the romance she desired.

Ghost of Romance Future
Then Ebbie was back in bed and yet again, a third apparition, the Ghost of Romance Future whisked her off. She arrived to view her life five years ahead and was amazed to find herself in the arms of a wonderful man (Bob Crachet I believe), smiling, happy and in love. How could this be? What could she shift to ensure that this future did come to pass?

The ghost of Romance Future gave Ebbie some crucial tips about being approachable and friendly to men and most importantly, appreciating men for who they are and what they have to offer.

It was as if Ebbie woke up to a whole new consciousness about dating that she had never experienced before. She could see the wisdom of her dating coach and how her advice would help create the future she so strongly desired but had long ago given up on.

Banish the Bah-Humbug Attitude

Ebbie reconnected with all three Romance Ghosts before her night ended and vowed to change her ways. She agreed to work on being more positive, open and active. She promised to minimize her complaints and banish her bah-humbug attitude that sabotaged any efforts she did make. This will permit her to send good vibes into the Universe and attract the love she wants and deserves.

Good for you Ebbie! With those shifts in perspective and understanding, you will attract the love of a good man. The next day, Ebbie flirted just for the fun of being a woman, received lots of attention and started on the path to the love-filled future she now knows is waiting for her.

Source: Ronnie Ann Ryan

If you attended our Christmas networking night in December, you will have a voucher card for a free wine or beer at 623 In The City. Bring it along and check out the NEW and IMPROVED Duck Soup experience this Sunday 3 January from 7.30pm – hopefully you’ve recovered after your New Year’s Eve – and I hope you have a great one!

We have changed venue to 623 In The City on Hardy Street (the old Sports Cafe at 223 Hardy Street). Join us at our new venue for Duck Soup in 2010:

The party season is like speed dating – but with tinsel and mistletoe. The truly dedicated can, by the last days of December, have swapped so many telephone numbers that the long, lonely days of sober January and deep dark February will be enlivened by at least a handful of dates to keep the twin forces of SAD (seasonally affective disorder) MAD (money all done) at bay until at least Easter.

That is the upside of being single over the festive season. The downside, however, is almost too awful to contemplate – particularly in the paranoid light of a hungover dawn. We’ve all been there – head in hands the next day, shuddering at the memory of the night before. Because when a Christmas party goes wrong, it does so in a way that spells unwise sexual liaisons and public humiliation like no wedding ever can.

Christmas parties are, in imagination, magical glittering occasions where everyone looks like Princess Charming, where witticisms worthy of the round table at the Algonquin trip lightly from tipsy mouths and seasonal goodwill breaks down barriers – so even the most unapproachable seem suddenly, alarmingly, very, very approachable indeed. For this reason the Christmas season can be both a single man’s finest hour and, also, a yuletide minefield.

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents has produced what has been called “a party pooper’s charter” outlining a few obvious health and safety pitfalls associated with the party season, such as keeping all party food in the fridge, banning smoking for fear of fires, avoiding balloons in case they should trigger an allergic reaction to latex and even, heaven forfend, banishing mistletoe which, is suggested, only invites sexual harassment suits.

But their advice about the inadvisability of dancing on flimsy office furniture, or pointing out that it’s not such a great idea to expose your bare buttocks to the certain humiliation and potentially horrific injuries from photocopying your bottom, for instance, say nothing about the far greater humiliation that can come from being single this time of year.

Let’s start with the most obvious problem: everyone, including you, is drunk. A small amount of alcohol is the best social lubricant there is, but, as we all know from experience, a large amount of alcohol can lead to public disaster. This is not the opportunity to try to impress your boss: do not tell your boss anything, in fact, do not even attempt to speak to your boss.

Sorry to sound like your mum but the safest route is not to drink too much. Now, everyone has a different idea of what is too much but, as a rule of thumb, when people you would never normally fancy start to become extremely attractive, then you have drunk too much.

Two, do not seduce people who are more drunk than you are. It may be easy but it is unseemly and goes against the basic rules of the game but you may also end up covered in sick in the back of a taxi cab, or embarrassed at work the next day or, worst of all, someone will wake up next to you with that undeniable “I can’t believe I went to bed with him” look on their face.

And, while you’re bound to bump into everyone you’ve ever snogged over the Christmas party season, beware, this is no place to pick up your ex-lover.

Third, be very, very careful about who you find attractive. I speak from bitter experience. My Achilles’ heel is to find attractive (nay, mesmerising) the loudest, most outrageous, and most entertaining woman in any festive gathering. Through the blur of festive inebriation I have, too many times to mention, found myself deeply attracted to someone who is – if I was sober – clearly an unstable lunatic. She who seems the life and soul of the party at 2am will, inevitably, turn out to be a complete maniac when you meet her for lunch a week later.

In a roasted chestnut shell, the worst of Christmas danger is that, at any other time of year, your singleton’s humiliations remain your own. You will choose which friends get to hear of your latest disasters on the rocky path twixt bed and bar. But, at Christmas, the season of goodwill is really “the season of good stories about what happened the night before” – so be warned because, at Christmas, the whole world is watching.

A SINGLE MAN’S… DOS

• Remember, if she wasn’t attractive all year, but you find yourself saying, “I’ve suddenly seen her in whole new light,” that’s the free bar speaking.
• Stop, when you think your dancing is amazing.

AND DON’TS

• According to women, before going out, you should discard the first thing in the mirror that grabs your eye. It’s the same with women.
• Think outside your league. If she was attractive all year but you felt you were out of your league until now, that’s the free bar again.
• Tell any anecdote that start with the words, “I’ve never told this to anyone before…”

Source: By Martin Beeson

A 39-year-old woman is depressed around the holidays because she’s alone

Dear Dr. Gail: I am 39 and still single, despite my best efforts. I’m OK with this for most of the year, but not at the holidays. The whole world is all together-y, while I’m alone. How can I at least make myself not feel worse? — Single Gal

Dear Single: Though it feels you are alone, you are not. Plenty of people are single, divorced, widowed, or otherwise unattached. If you know the holidays will be tough to get through, I suggest you prepare ahead. Be proactive about making plans instead of hoping or expecting something will come up. Let people know you would like company for the holidays, and ask if you can join them. Many people are glad to invite a friend or colleague along.

Or make plans of your own. You can get together with a group of single friends, host your own meal, or invite people over to watch a video. Some cities have group events, like a Christmas Day run. The holidays are about sharing, so it can be truly gratifying to volunteer. People often need help at homeless shelters, nursing homes or food banks. Your participation here is often more productive than sitting around eating turkey, and more in keeping with the holiday spirit.

If it’ll help you get in the holiday spirit, go ahead and make your surroundings festive. Decorate your home, play holiday carols, light a menorah, or eat traditional holiday treats. If you find it enjoyable, it’s worth the effort.

If you are subjected to probing questions or snide comments about your singlehood, evaluate the situation before responding. People might be asking about your love life because they are truly concerned about your welfare and want to see you happy. You can acknowledge that you, too, hope to find someone special, so you are open to constructive suggestions or being fixed up.

They might, however, be asking because they are angry or envious. Believe it or not, some people wish they were single because they can’t stand their spouse. Pointing out your perceived shortcomings makes them feel less inadequate. How should you handle this? Ask directly why they feel the need to say hurtful things. If they are angry with you, suggest you talk about the real issue instead.

Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: If you know holiday time gets you down because you are single, make sure you make plans so you don’t feel so alone.

Source: Dr. Gail Saltz

The holiday season never seems quite the same when you are single. If you are one of the few singles among your family and friends, you might feel a little out of place over the holidays. By reaching out to others and joining with your other single friends, you can actively participate in holiday festivities and enjoy the true meaning of Christmas without feeling lonely.

Instructions

• Step 1

Attend holiday parties and events if you do need to fly solo. There is no reason to be embarrassed if you are single over the holidays. Almost everyone goes through periods of being single. Participate in holiday meals and gatherings just as you would if you were the other half of a couple.

• Step 2

Invite another single friend to attend holiday parties and meals with you. If you buddy up with someone else who knows how lonely you feel on the holidays, you will not feel so out of place and unusual. Of course, you will also be helping your friend to feel a little less alone over the holiday as well.

• Step 3

Volunteer at a local nursing home during the holiday season. You can share your time and spread joy to elderly people who do not have many visitors during the holidays. There are many residents of retirement communities who are lonely and could use a friend like you. Make their season brighter and bring some love into your own heart by volunteering.

• Step 4

Volunteer your time at a holiday meal for people who are homeless or who are poor. You will not be spending time alone and you will be making a difference in the holiday for others. This is a tradition you can continue even in years to come when you are no longer single at Christmas. You can volunteer with your loved one when that day comes.

• Step 5

Participate in local holiday events and performances. You can sign in a local church choir or perform in a community Christmas play. Join other members of your community to sing Christmas carols throughout the neighborhood. Being actively involved will help to keep your mind occupied so that you do not feel alone. You will be among friends and neighbors. You might even meet someone new.

Tips & Warnings

Give your family and friends some notice if you will be bringing another single friend along with you to a holiday meal.

Source: By Kristian Keefer