I attended a restaurant opening in Nelson this week and met up with a Duck Soup regular who excitedly told me he may have
found someone – early days though. I was of course equally excited for him and asked lots of questions – where did you
meet? (online) What about her attacted you the most? (similar quirky sense of humour) etc. But then I started to hear
some warning bells and saw some red flags with other things I heard so my questioning took a different turn. I asked him
what he disliked most about the dating process…. and boy did things clear up for me!
This is a guy who is SICK of dating – dreads the first date and is totally over the whole concept. It turns out he has
had six dating partners since his marriage ended and now he’s ready to STOP dating and start a relationship because, in
his words, “six women should be enough to give me a good idea, right?”
Unfortunately I believe he is falling into a common trap and there are numerous reasons he may feel this way.
he may not believe he will ever find the ‘right’ woman
he may feel impatient with the dating process
he doesn’t understand the importance of dating to find love
he is a little shy and it’s hard to get out of your comfort zone
he doesn’t enjoy meeting new people
he doesn’t really trust new people
he doesn’t like or know how to flirt
he doesn’t think there are any decent single women around
All of these points are focusing on the negative! It’s the top reason people jump too quickly into relationships and
ditch the dating too soon. We forget that dating is a really important process for finding love that cannot be avoided.
One of the key things to attempt to do is find a way to ENJOY this process even if you don’t like every step. By shifting
your limiting belief about dating, you’ll attract better prospects – remember, like attracts like.
Hopefully you can start learning to enjoy meeting new people. The more the better! It can be really fun – you never know
who you might meet or what cool things you may learn. One of my now closest friends I met randomly whilst our kids were
playing at a park….
If you hold this same attitude that meeting new people is tedious, try turning this around. Make a challenge or game out
of it to see how many people you can meet in a month. Find interesting (& positive) details you’ve learned from each man
or woman you meet and don’t take the whole process so seriously! Dating is your interview process for the position of
your potential life partner. And it’s also important for YOU to interview for the position of THEIR life partner…
slowly, and gradually, you’ll build up an authentic picture of each person you date over time. Date as many people as you
can (without sleeping with any of them!) and someone will gradually become more compatible in your mind.
It may take some practice, but you can make this positive shift. When you are cheerful about meeting new people, you’ll
appear more confident and happy which will in turn make you more attractive. It’s a cycle of positive energy that builds
on itself…. and when you do meet the person who just fits so well into your life, you’ll be so glad you stuck it out and
KEPT DATING!
If you’re thinking – man, I can’t even GET a date, let alone have more than one – then consider online dating on
findsomeone.co.nz. If you need assistance to write your profile and choose a great photo, let me know. Alternatively, use
Duck Soup networking to ask someone if they would like to go on a date to learn more about them – but remember, not
everyone comes to Duck Soup to find love – many people are networking to expand their social lives without looking for a
partner. So be prepared for a “No, thanks” and keep trying! Every NO is a step towards a Y
I attended a restaurant opening in Nelson this week and met up with a Duck Soup regular who excitedly told me he may have found someone – early days though. I was of course equally excited for him and asked lots of questions like:
- Where did you meet? (online)
- What about her attracted you the most? (similar quirky sense of humour) etc.
But then I started to hear some warning bells and saw some red flags with other things I heard so my questioning took a different turn. I asked him what he disliked most about the dating process…. and boy did things clear up for me!
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Categories: Dating Tips
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