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The Sexiest Man Alive Shows How to Break Up With a Lady By TheImproper.com
 
They seemed like the perfect couple. Well… actually, they didn’t. It was always a bit of a mystery what actor George Clooney saw in Las Vegas bartender and sometime reality star Sarah Larson. Still, nothing lasts for ever. At least the guys out there can glean some dating tips from People magazine’s most eligible bachelor, sexiest man alive and all-around heel. As for the girls, watch out, George is on the loose!

According to FoxNews.com, Clooney’s love is like a carnival ride; it’s fun while it lasts, but when the music stops the ride is over. The former cocktail waitress was said to be shocked and heartbroken when he broke it off. “She thought they were getting married. Instead, she got dumped,” a friend said. “She’s really upset, devastated,” according to the report. She’s luckier than most; she got her day job back.

In any event, that may seem to be no way to treat a lady, but if Clooney were to write a book on dating, this would be his advice. First, realize there is no way to avoid pain. Like a band aid, it’s better to rip it off all at once. No matter how excruciating it is, the bad publicity will be over in one or two news cycles, max.

Tell her you hope to stay in touch, and that you still care about her. In fact, tell her anything to get her to pack her stuff and get out of your LA mansion. Conveniently leave the country to avoid an awkward scene. However, try to avoid pulling a Fiddy Cent. Don’t burn down your house if your ex-girlfriend refuses to leave. Remember, arson, even when the damn ‘ho deserves it, is still a felony.

Do not break up with the person by phone, instant message, or e-mail; this is disrespectful. Have the decency to do it privately in person. However, if your girlfriend has the temperment of Naomi Campbell, it’s best to phone. Just make sure she’s not within throwing distance when you call her. Better yet, have your personal assistant call. After all, what are screwing her for?

 
If possible break up with your girlfriend before she’s profiled in a major national consumer magazine like, say, Harper’s Bazaar. Otherwise, she’ll make a total fool of herself by posing on a motorcycle in Dolce & Gabbana and gushing about how wonderful you are. (Even George forgot to follow this one, but hey, no one is perfect.)

When she starts pushing you to get more serious, do something nice. Take her to the Oscars, or invite her to celebrate your birthday. That should get her off your back. If not, tell her that you would like to get married, but say you want to “take things slow.” If she doesn’t get the message, conveniently leave the issue of People magazine lying around where you swore after your last marriage went bust that you would never get married again.

If she doesn’t get the hint, it’s time to pull the plug on the relationship. But avoid blaming her for the break up. Remember, it’s not her, it’s you. Explain as little as possible, however. Otherwise her lawyer will use your statements against you in the palimony suit, or they will turn up in tabloids like FoxNews.com.

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